The last time I GOT to....

The last time I though, "I get to do this???" Wow, that is really hard, especially lately (read blog below). I guess I said, "Ooooh, I get to record myself on a tape recorder and someone else has to transcribe it!" That is funny, because someone else HAS to transcribe it, just like I HAVE to transceiver someone else's. The recording part is what I get to do.
As for writing, I would say that the last time I got to write something was the grocery list. That may sound weird, but it is really cool when I write the list, that way I can put or sneak some things onto the list, like cookies. I don't have any money, so I can't do the actual shopping unless given money, which rarely happens, so it is important for me to write the list when I can. Even though I don't always get what I put on the list, sometimes I do out of guilt. (my boyfriend is like a Father when it comes to buying things, save money!!, if you don't NEED it, then we don't get it!! Shit like that.)
The last piece of longer writing I got to write, or help write was a script for a movie that the production company I'm in did a year ago. That was really cool. I have wanted to write the scripts, but we have a writer who does mostly everything. He asked me to help him out, and that was exciting. I GOT to do that which was great.
Reading....well, this may sound funny, but the last book that I read for leisure, the last book I GOT to read was Harry Potter!!! I know, I promise I'm not just saying that to piss anyone off, I actually was so excited to read the last one.
I wish my answers were more deep, whatever that is. It would be cool to say that I got to read the lost ancient Egyptian tomb paintings, if that was such a thing, but those haven't fallen into my lap just yet. When they do, I will be excited about that!!

motivation and focus

Motivation and focus. Focus and motivation. They seem to go together don't they? Can you be motivated but unfocused? Can you be focused without any motivation? I don't know. I seem to lack both right now. What motivates students to write? This is really hard to answer right now, I am in the process of trying to figure that out for myself. Why am I unmotivated this semester.....is it the classes? The teachers? My ridiculous personal life? Seasonal depression? Lack of friends? Who knows. I guess that every part of our lives affects the other. So, students. I am going to teach high school students. I bet a lot of them will have issues with their lives, so how do they become motivated? Is it my job to motivate them? Partly I think that is true. I think that the teacher has a huge responsibility in creating assignments and overall class time that is/are something for the student to get excited about. This semester for me has been very disappointing. I am mostly disappointed in myself for not living up to what I know I am capable of. I am letting stupid shit get in the way of doing as well as I can in school. That is my fault. I am also disappointed with the classes I chose to take. It isn't there fault, the classes, it is just that I am not interested in them the way I was interested in my classes last semester, or the one before that. I am taking some classes that I HAVE to take. That is the problem, and in these classes I am having a hard time wanting to do anything. There have already been many assignments this semester, but to be honest, the first and only one so far that I have actually wanted to do was the tape recording think aloud assignment for this class. I actually was excited to get a recorder so that I could open the envelope and start. I was excited to get myself a cup of tea and put my rope on, shut the door to my office and go at it. I didn't even know what I was going to be doing, but I was looking forward to it. I think that this was the case because the assignment was intriguing. It was a mystery and I love that! I wanted to know what was in the envelope, I wanted to know what I would be recording, I mean I knew it would be me thinking, but what would I be saying? It was something different, something unexpected, and that got me motivated. To be honest again, that was the main reason I chose to take this class in the first place. I know that Shipka is a challenging professor, and I also know that she creates or uses projects and assignments that actually get me motivated and excited. I know that the research thing scared me, but that is because it is research, I have done that before and had a bad time doing it. I enjoy the way that Shipka helps me think differently about things, everything! This may not be her goal as a teacher, it may be. I think that is part of what a teacher can do to get their students motivated.
With the blog, it is hard for me to be motivated, mostly because I can't do it at home. I like to write at home, I feel more comfortable. I really am trying to type this fast because I don't want to be here anymore(computer lab), it is cold and quiet and sterile. So, the environment is an obvious factor in motivation as well. When I am a teacher, I need to keep these things in mind. I should change the classroom every now and then, it should feel comfortable. The lighting should be different, like maybe I'll bring in a few antique lamps and we can have class in that sort of lighting, etc. I also need to try and make my assignments something that the students will be excited about.
Back to the having to take classes, students have to be in class in high school, there isn't a lot of choice. The only thing we can do as teacher is make it something different then expected. If a student hates English, well let's make the classroom more like a science experiment, or a nature class, or let's write about politics, whatever!! It is a possibility to make a subject desirable for almost everyone. That is where the motivation will come in. We are motivated but what we love, what we are passionate about. I need to remember this myself. I am passionate about school, so I need to get it together and get over my horrible life right now and just do it because the sooner I get my degree and start teaching, the sooner I will be able to live my own independent life, and that will make me happy again.
As for focus, I think that when students are motivated, they will really focus on what they are doing, even if that focus has tangents involved, I still think that it is focus. I mean to say that when I am focusing on doing an assignment, say write a poem, I focus on the way I want to write it, the content, and then......I'm off in another world, thinking about how I used to skateboard on my stomach down the middle of the street. I still think that I am focusing, because I get to use my tangent information in my poem. Maybe that doesn't work for all assignments, but I think that tangents are part of focusing. Who knows?
I'm sorry that I have done some venting about my pathetic self, I know that no one cares, and that is cool. I am really just trying to figure it all out, when my focus and motivation will return. The class we had the other day made me realize all of this stuff, and there was even a point in class that I started to cry! That means something has to change, and it takes me figuring out what motivation and focus mean in my life and in my future student's lives. Things will get better, they have to. At least I get some really good writing material out of my life!

Imagination

I think that the mind is the most important aspect of writing. The Intelligent Eye and the Thinking Hand, by Ann Berthoff, talks about reclaiming the imagination, visualizing, and observing to help students find something in themselves and in their writing they they haven't been able to get to. I agree. I think that using the imagination is critical, in any writing. I am partial to creative writing, and of course it is crucial there, but it is also needed in writing of every sort. The same thing with visualizing. When we write essays, we may just write them out right, but I think that we visualize them first. We use our intelligent eye to perceive what we are going to write. After we write it, we use that eye again to observe everything we wrote. Or at least this is what should be happening. I think that teaching students to use these tools that they already possess within themselves is very important to their writing ability. Even if they are writing a resume, they should use their imagination, visualize the product before they write it. This helps them create something that is embedded in them, it is a product of themselves, not a product of duplication or imitation. We may use the rules in writing such as format, layout, language, grammar, etc. That, however, does not mean we don't need to imagine what we actually write. As Berthoff says, "We can save the term imagination to name only the nondiscursive, but having reclaimed it, I think there is much to be said for using it as a speculative instrument to focus on what it means to say that composing is a process of making meaning."